"early pregnancy symptoms"

One seemingly innocuous Google search and I was sucked into a internet world I never knew existed.

I joined Babycenter (BBC, for those in the know) when I thought might have been pregnant.  I was googling for symptoms and stumbled onto the BBC message boards.  And from that moment, I was hooked.

And as fast as I got hooked, I was quickly initiated into a strange circle of mom drama and the infamous "Life Cycle of a Birth Board."  I learned a new language made up of a list of acronyms so lengthy that it give the United States Armed Forces a run for its money.

But I learned SO much.   I was schooled on everything from conception to childbirth, and on, and then everything in between.

I have also come to the realization that while women are inherently judgmental (oh, shush, we are), our biggest critics are other mothers.  In these in internet communities, every choice a mother makes is a side of a coin, so to speak.  And if you aren't on that side, by golly, will you hear (er, read) the wrath of those who disagree.

Women hiding behind keyboards with rude, belittling, downright bitchy commentary.  And instead of using the format to have civilized discussions where one might learn something, it turns into a catfight of womanly issues.

Paige Worthy, an acquaintance of mine, blogger and (internet)socialite, was recently the target of this type of mom drama as a result of a tweet about nursing in public.

(Disclaimer: I'm not commenting on the topic of nursing in public -NIP, there's the acronym- but rather the phenomenon of mom and parenting social media and internet communication.)

Without even a bat of an eyelash, Paige tweeted (because Twitter is a conduit for every snap judgment and random thought, no?) about NIP, tagged it #gross and the rest is history.  The discussion that followed was less than positive with breastfeeding advocates coming to throw down.

Now, the comment was ignorant with respect to Paige's lack of knowledge of the feminist aspect of breastfeeding (I realize that description doesn't scratch the surface of the breastfeeding debate but again, I'm not here to comment on that).  But it doesn't change the fact that we learn new things every day. 

IRL (in real life, duh), when someone makes a casual comment that has varying levels of interpretation and possible inaccuracies, we don't attack them on sight. "Soy is for treehuggers!"  Eh...no, not really.  Not a very nice comment.  Possibly a misled comment.  Not nice, pretty judgmental and generally, not true.  But, that person would not likely be the target of a mass attack of faceless screennames on a soapbox.

So....why is it ok?  Why is it ok to "teach" with stinging typing fingers?  All the words that are posted online are read by someone.  Why does the Mom community in particular find it necessary to divide itself? Further, why alienate someone who hasn't even joined the community yet?

It is a Kumbaya notion but we need to be teaching women about women's issues - issues and topics that go further than child support and birth control and go way deeper into the nuances of the American maternity system (bing! hot button issue) and everything pregnancy and child related.  That is where the internet became an invaluable tool for me - talking to women who were knowledgeable and positive, giving me resources and providing advice.

All this to say, Paige, I could have predicted that outcome to your Tweet.  Sad but true, but I have read enough "drama threads" on Babycenter to know exactly what types of responses you would receive.  I'm sorry you had to learn about that issue in the way that you did, but I am glad, ultimately and hopefully, that you did learn something.


Welcome to BBC.